The Fetch Betch LA

You may recall from Mean Girls, the scene where LiLo breaks down Halloween for us: 

While this is extremely accurate, lingerie + random accessories does not a costume make. Be sexy and fun of course, but keep your beaver covered girl. Below are some easy, last minute costume ideas for your Halloween celebrations tonight and some tips for keeping it fetch not foul.


#1 Sexy nerd
Glasses, suspenders, shorts, tube socks & t shirt. (All supplies can be found at American Apparel) 

#2 Sex Kitten
Black dress, black heels, kitten ear headband, tail. (Also at American Apparel seen here)

#3 50 Shades of Grey
Tape grey paint swatches to your shirt. BOOM. Done. (Swatches available for free at Home Depot, Lowes, etc.)

#4 Girls Gone Wild
Shorts, bandeau bathing suit top, cardboard sign that reads CENSORED pinned to a zip up hoodie. (I did this last year... easy, funny & I was able to turn Mr. Fetch Betch into my camera crew!)
Party fouls include, but are not limited to, wearing lingerie, having a racist costume, not wearing a costume at all (don't be that fun hating betch), super scary costumes as seen below. Yeah it's Halloween, but the point is to be hot... don't be that girl that takes it too seriously and goes with full on face paint (that will cut into your pre-game drinking anyways). Sexy and funny trump scary, always.

Inspired by the presidential debates/bored out of my mind while watching, I decided we could have our own, fetcher debate. Political parties aside, as fashionable Americans, I say we  evaluate the looks below, and by we I mean you. Leave a comment with your picks betch!

Fashimals are for the betches who find animal prints simply aren't enough. They gotta one-up the animal print micro-trend by adding a real life animal to the wardrobe. Here's the thing, the trend of having animals as accessories is nothing new... Paris Hilton popularized this circa 2008. But have you ever wondered A) Is Paris Hilton still alive? and B) What has she been doing besides trying to sing and DJ? Well, since 2008, it appears she's been collecting other small helpless dogs (one for every outfit) and perhaps inspiring others to collect animals as well.


A living animal is not a necklace nor a handbag and should not be treated as such. There's a difference between having a pet and an accessory. Not to get all PeTA-like here, but what happens when this thing goes out of style? Do you want to spend your free time cleaning up poo? How do you get a mani when you have an animal to hold? You know you have to feed it right? As in real food. It can't be expected to survive on your diet plan of lettuce, vodka, and coffee. THIS IS A BIG COMMITMENT (bigger than choosing a nail polish color). Paris can't even commit to one career path, not to mention, you and I both know she's barely capable of taking care of herself, let alone armfulls of dogs!


Not only are celebs torturing mini dogs and pussy cats, but they are now expanding to birds, I repeat: BIRDS. Just let that sink in for a bit. I can almost understand why you might want a dog or cat as an accessory because they are cute and fluffy but BIRDS? They are basically flying rats. Meanwhile on the set of The Voice, Cee Lo is trying to french kiss this thing...


What ever happened to Cee Lo's cat? Out of season? Did Xtina eat it? Why isn't PeTA doing something about this??


In summation, please think twice before getting an animal as accessory. Yes, it matches your shoes, but remember it's prob gonna end up eating them anyways. If you are a responsible human being who'd like a PET as opposed to an accessory then please, by all means adopt one! October is Adopt-A-Shelter-Dog-Month so if you are up to the task then go for it. Best of luck betch.

Printed trousers were all over the Spring runways, and they've continued in popularity for the Fall and Winter seasons as well. Printed pants are awesome for the following reasons: 1) They are the only socially acceptable way to wear pajamas in public while still looking chic and 2) They make quite a statement, that statement being there's a party quite literally ON my pants. 

Complex jacquard patterns obvi go hand in hand with baroque styling. Below are some of my baroque jacquard picks to work into the wardrobe this Fall/Winter.

#2 The Ridin' Dirty Boot
Saucy and sexual over the knee boots are for the ultra daring betches with *super skinny legs*. Unfortunately, if you have sausage legs, or man-like legs similar to myself, these are not only a terrible option for you, they are a physical impossibility. Also, shorties need not apply either...these boots will swallow your vertically challenged bodies.
#3 The Mid-Calf Boot
These boots come in all kinds of styles, my personal fave being the military boot. It is important to remember to style these with extreme caution, as wearing them with the wrong outfit can either A) make you look like a dude or B) Create an optical illusion of a cankle. If you actually have cankles then I wouldn't suggest these boots for you... instead I'd recommend some calf raisers at the gym, girl. And in the meantime try some riding boots and lock those cankles up.


#4 The Ankle Boot
These too are somewhat difficult to wear but it can be done. So many different styles exist of ankle boots it is totes possible to find one that works for you!